The Joke

Playing a game. Singing a song. Hearing a joke. And the feelings, the overwhelming thoughts comes crashing down all around her. Family. Babies. Love. Home. Him.

It's at these moments that she finds herself so tired of the shallowness of her life. The selfish, self-absorbed whimpering little clod that she's become is looked upon with such frustration and more than a little contempt. She longs for depth. To live ten miles deep and not ten miles wide. Depth. Depth of emotion, depth of life, depth of giving, of sharing, of connection.

We can only concentrate on two or three things with any sort of commitment. After that, our focus is so diluted that we're as ineffective as if we were standing still, engaged in nothing. And being so scattered for such a long time, she has found herself literally disengaged from everything. Letting things just sort of happen. And she watches the world go by as she exists and holds her breath from the beginning of the day until the last breath before sleep. And she stays so small, so closed off, and so tired.

But the universe will remind her over and over again who she is. Until she remembers. Until she remembers long enough, deeply enough to move differently. In a joke, a song, a picture, a game, a thought... it will remind her again and again. That's kind of cosmic joke in and of itself. Because the truth of the matter is, you cannot forget forever. The truth will not eventually change because it's been forgotten for so long.